old p*ss in boots

There was a chap called Seth Martin who lived top o`town for many years and who was noted chiefly for the fact that he seemed content to clatter about town in a pair of clogs too big for him and no socks.

The man stank so much that dogs sniffing round his ankles would run off, howling, the reason for this being that old Seth was given to the idle practice of peeing down his trouser-leg and giving rise to the local name by which he was better known:- "Piss in Boots".

Even at work one would observe his clogs filling up and from time to time old Seth would lift his leg and give it a good shake, thus emptying the full clog, then the other.This highly original propensity which, he claimed, "was good for chilblains", earned Seth much notoriety, and there were always kids following him and shouting out "owd piss in boots".

One day, old Seth and his workmates were taken by their philanthropic and very generous employers, who were two brothers, on a workday trip to Otley in the Yorkshire dales. There, close to a pub they`d spent a lot of time in, they came across a small chapel which, upon investigation, proved empty, though the door of course was open, as was the happy custom in those days, so they went in.

Both of Seth`s bosses were churchmen and one was fairly proficient on the organ and so he sat down in front of it and, finding that it was powered only by a small hand pump behind a curtain, delegated old Seth to work it.

Soon the little chapel reverberated to the strains of "Onward Christian Soldiers", while Seth (who had taken aboard a full complement of good Yorkshire ale) pumped till the sweat ran down his face and he began to wilt. "A little more wind Seth", cried the boss as the organ emitted groans and wails and, ever obliging, the charming Seth responded by letting out a great thundering fart that echoed and re-echoed in the rafters and near brought down the ancient roof of the little chapel.

That was it, and after this sacrilege the rest of the trip was abandoned forthwith and they had to make do with winding up at the Starkie Arms in Padiham - minus the inestimable Seth….